Monday, August 26, 2013

Tying up the ends of summer

We're in pre-Fair Frantic Mode right now, which means the kids are spending large amounts of time using up my printer ink, accessing my Costco film account, demanding I buy them yet another tri-fold board (I'm boycotting ed. boards right now because I only have about a thousand of them in my basement), and arguing with me about deadlines.


"WHAT? I have to have my poster board in tomorrow? But you said it wasn't due until Friday! FRIDAY! Why didn't you TELL ME that it was due on Tuesday! Now I'll have to work all night!!! ARGH"

Take note, new parents: there will be many a time when your children will maintain that you said certain things, things you know you never said. Do not attempt to argue with them. That is the way of folly. Learn to do this instead: an expressive eye-roll that hints at boredom and exasperation. Walk away, perhaps trailing a finger along the schedule you stuck on the fridge; you know, the one with all the fair requirements written down on it (make sure you use pen). Cough dramatically as you do so. Maybe glance at them in a super fake but sympathetic manner. Do not laugh like that kid in The Simpsons. They will get the message faster than they will if you argue with them. Or laugh like that kid in The Simpsons. Trust me.

Some time later you might point out that spending large amounts of time laying on their bed listening to music or eating endless amounts of toast while reading various books or newspapers isn't the best way to beat a deadline.

And through it all I wonder where summer went. It seems to be ending, and, as is usually the case with summer, we're not ready for it to go. The kitchen table is covered with canning debris - how can we possibly start eating indoors now? I still have 400 lbs of peaches, pickles, apples, and beans to deal with!

What I won't miss is seeing the cat take his morning poo on the garden path. It will be too wet out there and he'll have to revert to his usual hide-behind-a-bush-in-the-front-garden spot. Does anyone else have a cat who poos on the grass? In the middle of nowhere? And doesn't cover it? Isn't this what dogs do? And to think that I thought cats were vastly more intelligent than dogs.