More From The Trenches

  Yes, I am making a reference to being in the thick of it. Which I am. This is the first summer where I've - more than once - thought "hmmm, maybe there's too MUCH garden going on here. I might have to cut back next year."


I know. Can you believe I just said that?

Okay, let's move on, there are quite a number of photos today. I don't know how I ended up taking so many; all I'd gone out for was a shot of the Crown Princess Margarita rose, but the light was so good I ended up taking 67 shots.

No, no, I'm not going to make you sit through 67 photos of my garden. Relax. I've cut out 10.

Just kidding.

Trust me.

 I know it sounds nuts to say this, but fall planting begins now.

This six-pack contains Georgia Southern collards. I've never grown collards before. In fact I've never eaten collards before, at least, not knowingly.

These were given to me at by the lovely people at the Botanical Interests booth at last year's Mother Earth News Fair in Puyallup. And no, they didn't give them to me so I could write about them; they were giving seeds away to ANYONE WHO WANTED THEM. It was like a dream come true for those few minutes I was collecting packets of seed.

 Some more trays of seeds, although these are mostly various types of lettuce. This is the first year I've managed to keep the kitchen regularly stocked with lettuce.

In case you skipped over that last sentence, let me blow my own horn a bit point out what an amazing feat this is. I've never fully appreciated what it takes to keep a regular variety of lettuces and greens in the kitchen at all times for five people: lunches, sandwiches, smoothies, dinners. Could be we just go through a lot of lettuce. Either way, it's been fun, even if it HAS tested my usual level of organization.

 If you don't eat kale you should. I know that sounds bossy but it's SUCH a good green and it is SO easy to eat. My kids refuse to eat it knowingly but genuinely love it in smoothies.
It also looks really cool:

 I was reading an article about garden furniture and garden art. Where do you stand on the topic?

I like having things besides plants in the garden - breaks up the view and add different colours.

It's also a good place to store things. One day I WILL use this broken wheel and that oddly shaped piece of tile, I just know it.

 This plant is commonly known as Goose Necked Loosestrife (no, not that loosestrife). Can you see why?

I've got it growing with some white Obedient Plant and a few hostas. The deer salivate over them every night at about 8pm. Fortunately I've also got a net around these puppies or they'd be toast.

Why yes, I do happen to be on the Stupid $#%*&@ Deer side of the fence. There are way too many of them in my neck of the city.



I had a better shot of this fabulous and weirdly coloured hydrangea, but it didn't include the charming Mr. T slinking by, so you're getting this one instead. His nickname is Lemur Tail. Not that he comes when you call him that, mind you.

There appear to be several permutations of purple going on here: the centres of some flower heads are different colours from others. Some are blue, some quite dramatically mauve, some even white. And you can see that heads themselves are all differing shades of purple.

You too can achieve this effect by mulching just half the plant with pine cones that fall off a nearby handy tree. You can even kick them under the tree when people come over and trip over them, thus saving yourself raking duties. At least, that's what I think happened here. It certainly gets no love from me the rest of the year. And yes, I do feel somewhat abashed admitting this. 

Look at the lovely green of these Holy basil plants. Apparently they are quite good as an insect repellant, but I've yet to try them. Right now we use catnip EO in a yarrow tincture - it's killer.

Holy basil is also known as an adaptogen, good in teas for stress. I'm not familiar with Holy basil but these seedlings are going in the herb garden, so we'll see what they do.

So far all I notice about it is that is has a faint lemonish aroma, is a gorgeous healthy green, and is much hairier than it's cousin Ocimum basilicum.

The Sad & Lonely Shelves of the Greenhouse

 Am I regretting not thinning the peach tree this year?

Perhaps a tad. There's a lot of medium-sized fruit on it this year.

As there is every year.

One day I'll thin. One day.

 Am I regretting not thinning the nectarine tree this year?

Perhaps a tad. There's a lot of medium-sized fruit on it this year.

As there is every year.

Hmm. I'm noticing a pattern here. I think I'm what they call a Chronic Non-Thinner.

 "Four Little Pepperonici Maids From School Are We!"

Squiggley, aren't they? These will get pickled soon.












I made asked Eldest Son to assist me in carrying this chunk of wood home from the beach the other day, because I plan on making some of the aforementioned  Garden Art with it. He'd been slogging along for about 10 minutes when he said "this is pretty junky - what are you going to do with it?" When I told him I was going to paint it so that it would eventually resemble something magnificent, he expressed rather obnoxious levels of incredulity and mirth. Evidently he could not see its striking resemblance to something alive (and swimming).

Can you?

Imagine me blue and spouting!

Greenridge Guide To Makeup

While I'm inordinately fascinated reading what Sali Hughes has to say about makeup ("hardcore handcreams...illuminating powders...the best of budget makeup") each week in the Guardian, my fascination is based more on the fact that I don't quite understand what she's talking about. It's as though she's speaking a foreign language. A part of me, just in terms of female solidarity, wants to know what's going on here, even if I don't participate as enthusiastically as some. But, sadly and perhaps inevitably, it's still a foreign language. 

Case in point — name the purpose of each of these things:

Blushers. Concealers. Serums. Highlighters. Lash Fibres. 

Do I have lash fibres? Am I supposed to buy some? How about highlighters - what exactly on my face do highlighters highlight? Say I don't want that item highlighted? And what about serums - do I drink them or pour them on my face? 

In the end I turn to Hadley Freeman, because while she too talks about makeup, she embellishes her fashion advice with an edge and a wit that has you feeling that even if you don't quite speak the same language, you know you're both finding enormous amusement about the same thing. Read this column on fashion shows as a case in point. She's funny AND informative. I like that in a column.

Then, yesterday, out of the blue, I got this letter:

Dear Sheila

What does your beauty routine look like? 

I think I need one but I'm not sure where to start.

Please advise.

love,

Lacking

While I think it was decidedly misdirected, as I've never once written about wearing makeup, I decided to answer it. With my own inexpert opinion. Experience from the unwashed masses, you might say, although I feel compelled to point out the fact that I DO wash. 

Dear Lacking,

First off, you are not lacking a beauty routine; you do have one, you just don't realize it. Do you do any of these things each morning (and evening): brush, floss, clean your face? That's your beauty routine. The question is, do you want more of a beauty routine? 

Tell you what. How about I show you what my beauty routine looks like? And I mean that in the most literal of senses. Let's walk through my Morning Routine Station. Together. Arm in arm. Follow me.

 First off, you need somewhere to store everything. I use a shelf in the bathroom. Anything more and you'll feel compelled to accumulate. Trust me, accumulation is not always a good thing.

Besides, this way you'll be encouraged to throw out old makeup. Contrary to what your mother or your best friend told you, makeup does not keep indefinitely. I once glued my eye lashes together with some 4 year old mascara and let's just say that I won't be doing that again any time soon.

Then you'll want some lighting. Ideally you want Above Lighting, Below Lighting, and Sideways Lighting. And yes, those are technical terms you can employ at any makeup counter.

Mine is, I'll admit, rather inadequate. I use a flashlight for the tricky bits.

 Next you need a work space with a mirror. It should have a large flat expanse on which to place your implements of beautifying. A sink is useful in case you have a sudden compulsion to wash off any of those beautifying materials. Soap wouldn't go amiss; I've got a little squirt bottle of Dr. Bronners peppermint. Gives the eyes a nice sharp tingle.






If you can swing it, additional space always comes in handy, even if it's just for balancing the odd thing. As you can see, I use mine to hold my hair styling accessories.


I've situated it right next to the disposal unit. That is another essential for the well kitted out Makeup Routine Centre.

If you really like to multitask, add in a portable news reader. This way you can check the headlines while you're brushing OR flossing. The mind boggles a bit, doesn't it?



So there you have it, Lacking, this is my own personal Morning Routine Station, well, minus ME, lol.



Just remember: Get the basics right there in front of you, clean your teeth and brush your hair, and you can't help but feel a teeny bit omnipotent.

Love,
Sheila

Smells Like Teen Spirit (Or Crabs)

 It started here. If this creature had kept quiet no one would have twigged. I'm sure he started complaining only because he was penned up in this cage. He'd far rather have been shedding hair everywhere, puking on someone's shoe, evading our grasp, and digging himself into safe places, like, oh, say, under the gas pedal. Or the brake. He's done that before. Which is why he is PENNED UP.

Then there was the teenager. He was sitting in the very back of the van, silently disgruntled at not being able to sit in the front passenger seat (which is MY seat). He thinks it should be his seat. He could have a career as a Professional Perfume Smeller if he weren't quite so melodramatic. As soon as the cat started whining he joined in:

"Something stinks in here. Mom! Mom! I said it stinks in here! Is that crab in here somewhere?"

I hate being called Mom. I've explained til I'm blue in the face that I am a Canadian mum, not an American mom. Evidently it amuses him to annoy me this way. I guess we all get our cheap thrills from somewhere. And yes, I do know that it could be worse.

Did you notice that he didn't ask if anyone else smelled it? That's teen spirit for you. He doesn't need anyone to confirm what he already knows anymore. Even if he's wrong he knows he's right. It would be charming if it weren't so irritating. That was when I decided to take a leaf out of his book and pretend not to hear him. I opened my window and pretended to usher an ant out, despite the fact that the open window  - at 110 km per hour - considerably dislodged hair, newspapers, and card games. There was the added bonus of great wet sheets of monsoon rain spilling into the window. Dominic wailed in what I thought was an overly dramatic fashion while Katie shrieked "WHO OPENED THE DAMN WINDOW?"

A rhetorical question if I ever heard one. Who do they think opened the damn window? Again, I feigned deafness, chatted to my imaginary ant and shut the window, hoping that the brief influx of fresh air would change the subject.

Sadly, it did not. The whiff was still there. And yes, it was my crab. My lovely but also very dead crab. See it sitting there? It's in that cardboard box next to Richard (at this point still blissfully unaware he's sitting next to it). The crab itself is beside the moon snail shell in the plastic bag. Actually, it was in two plastic bags.

I guess it should have been in three plastic bags.

It did stink a bit.

But I digress. Here's where I found the crab. We were on holiday at this beach. This is the far off reef we were walking along. I won't tell you where it is because not many people go to this beach and I'd like to keep it that way. It's a very nice beach.

We were walking along this reef at low tide, observing all sorts of treasures: hermit crabs, spider crabs, moon snails, tiny eels, tiny shrimp, bullheads, and starfish.


Sorry but I just cannot bring myself to say "sea star." To me it's another example of idiotic political correctness run amok. And yes I DO know that it's not really a fish.









 We saw 29 moonsnail collars (see photo below). Some of us counted them. Out loud. Each time. Every time. Sometimes some of us had to recount just to make sure we were counting them properly. Some of us might have argued with our sister over who saw which ones, too. Finally, I took a photo of one, hoping to silence the soundtrack of each new discovery, to no avail. In fact, it just encouraged more audible counting, more audible arguing, and included a plea to photograph each new moonsnail collar. One of us might have swore a little bit at this point.

And then I found the crab. It was almost completely intact. And very dead. It would be a perfect watercolour model. As long as I could get it home. Without anyone noticing. Evidently I failed at that part, because now everyone - including Richard (slightly aghast at the fact, especially after telling me five times that I MUST leave the crab outside the cabin on the fence until we went back up in August) - knew it was a) in the car, and b) in the car stinking big time.

I did the only thing I could have done under the circumstances: I wrapped it in another plastic bag and placed it on the floor near my feet, where no one could grab it and throw it out the window.

And we drove home. Another 94 minutes and 27 seconds in the car. The smell wasn't too bad.

When we got home my crab was the first thing out of the car. Here it is here, sitting on the deck rail, delighting the city flies, who have probably never smelled such a charming salty stench before.

When it dries it won't smell at all. Don't ask me how I know this.

Who Doesn't Need A Beak Warmer?

Just the thing for the Angry Bird on your Christmas list!

Making Things

Did I write about renovating the downstairs bathroom? The one Max was so repelled by he groaned and grouched about it hourly? The one room we didn't renovate when we bought this house five years ago? The only room that really showed its, err, age?

Wait, I did. Here. It wasn't a particularly ugly bathroom, but it was dated: plywood sink vanity with cheap melamine, ancient creaking taps with mould growing under the caps, bad wallpaper, and a shower stall that was unusable because, and I kid you not, it did not attach to the wall. We didn't notice it when we'd viewed the house, which was probably lucky, because by the time we noticed we'd already leapt into the house hook, line, and mortgage. At that point we were stuck with it.
So the kids took turns each day cleaning and grouching about the cleaning. We'd renovated the upstairs bathroom before moving in and our resident Shower King became so possessive about this new shower (not to mention the bathroom) that after a few years I threw down the Renovation Gauntlet to Richard: either we redo the downstairs bathroom or I go mad watching everyone but me use my bathroom.

Fortunately Richard is nothing if not a careful listener. And he knows when his (not very) long-suffering wife has reached a breaking point.
So we renovated. If Richard and I were an HGTV home design show duo, I'd be the Design Guy and he'd be the Tool Guy: I pick the tiles, the paint, and the fixtures while Richard does all the hard stuff like jackhammering and dealing with electrics and drains. I'm not so good with drains. But I am good at dragging logs off the beach so my dad can chainsaw them in half and Richard can stick them on the wall with embedded hooks for the kids' towels. Although, umm, I didn't actually drag the log off the beach...Max did. I chose it though.

Now the downstairs bathroom is so pristine and new I keep mistaking it for a hotel bathroom. And the Shower King keeps it so clean that we're all quite astounded. When he's not in the shower, that is.

He likes the shower, that boy.





I'm slowly adding little design touches to the room. Like this little sea glass and shell mobile. I collect these things during the summer when we go up island. We bring home little cartons of sand dollars, clam shells, moon snail shells, and driftwood. White rocks. Spotted rocks. Flat rocks. Some go to the garden. Some line the paths. Others sit on the front porch. Every so often Richard will say things like "That stuff is cluttering up the basement/carport/back deck/bedroom/living room. Are you EVER going to do anything with it? Or will it just sit here for the next 25 years?" or "How long is that box of driftwood going to sit in the carport?" or sometimes even "You are a packrat, you know."

Fortunately I am very good at tuning these rude remarks out. Because every so often I actually do something with all that stuff.

Things To Do With Paper

My intentions are good each year: I will be ready for Christmas earlier! I will not smack into the brick wall of December 23rd like I usually do! I will be more effective about my baking lists! If I do crafty things I will not be doing them right up until midnight!

Like I usually do is the operative phrase here.

Then mid-December sets in and I'm in the same place I always am: vaguely late. Slightly behind. Scrambling even. I am starting to suspect that this state of being might actually be my Modus Operandi, much to my chagrin.

One thing I did try to organize more this year was the Activity Side of Things. Most of the time I leave the kids to their own crafty devices, but this year the bookstores had their shelves full of really intriguing craft books, and both FDPG and Dominic love making things out of paper. So in November, even though it seemed MUCH too early to be thinking about such things, I bought one or two and squirrelled them away in the closet for later.

One was this book. Christmas: Paper Toys You Can Make Yourself. Do you know the Toymaker? We print a lot of toys from her website. They are old-fashioned kinds of toys: peep boxes, moving dioramas, pretty cards, and sweet boxes. There are holiday themes, storytime themes, games, and pictures, too. The colours are superlative, which makes printing them out highly addictive.


When I saw that she had a book out I couldn't resist it. I even bought two, so that I wouldn't be hearing things like "MUUUM! Dominic made the Nutcracker - I wanted to!"

When I brought them out last week both FDPG and Dominic were delighted. It was hard not to be, the artwork is fabulous, everything is perforated so there's no need for Serious Scissor Skills, and the card stock is glossy and stiff, perfect for paper toys you want to keep around. All of a sudden the mantle was covered with Nutcrackers, Happy Snowmen, Countdown To Christmas cards (with a little "thought for the day" on the back), Angel Elves, Snack For Santa boxes (with "I've been really good all year" on every side just in case)...





...Even a Santa and his sleigh (check out the gimlet eye on that reindeer).

Are they difficult to make? Well, you won't need any scissors, but you do need some dexterity with your fingers, as some of these projects require careful folding and gluing, but other than they aren't hard at all. And they are so charming.




The other book I bought was a Dover Stained Glass Activity book. I really like these stained glass books - they look amazing on a window. A while back FDPG did every single page of the Egyptian Stained Glass Activity book (the words Egypt and stained glass don't look right together, do they?) and stuck them up on her window. Now here's a Christmas Stained Glass book. It's been quite the hit.




















Another thing the twins like to make are these: we call them Tinfoil Saran Wrap pictures. I know, I know, how imaginative of us. But it describes them perfectly.

You find a large drawing you like, here we chose a tree in a sort of stained glass tableau, you tape the picture to the table, then you tape a piece of saran wrap over top. Make sure both the saran and the paper are secure. Get out your Sharpies (other felt pens won't work) and colour the saran over top of the picture. Don't leave any blank bits, and if you like the stained glass effect use a black felt pen to outline everything. Remove the piece of paper and place the saran on top of a piece of foil (that you've crumpled gently then straightened), and sandwich the two items between some black paper.

Sharpies are also useful on those balloon-style pop bottles you might find yourself purchasing in moments of fond maternal madness (these hit me right about now, just when my kids really need more sugary junk). Here we've made some oversized ornaments. You can drill a hole in the lid and place some rick rack for a loop for the Faux Real Effect...












And then there's the Personalized Christmas Card For Favoured Relatives. FDPG made these this week. That giant pack of scrapbooking paper I bought half price at Walmart last year came in handy, as did some Martha Stewart snowflake punches and a ruler that makes circles (for the snowglobe card below).









Now all I have to do is get my own projects finished...

LEGO Kits We'd Like To See

Coming soon to a pretend store near you...

We saw this ghost on the LEGO website the other day and one of the LEGO-mad children here instantly decided to build his very own. Saved me $2.99 plus shipping, because most cruelly we don't live near a LEGO store in the US (if you're wondering why I make this distinction, check the prices between American items and Canadian items - it's more than a little irritating).

Oh who am I kidding, I wouldn't have bought that little ghost anyhow. I'm far too cheap, besides, isn't that what imaginations are for? (ooh Sheila you sound just like your grouchy-no-doubt-even-cheaper forebears) One of us also made a bat, but tragically only one of us had enough black bricks, leading to a flurry of Frantic and Heart-Breaking Negotiations, all to no effect: Black Brick Bearer clung grimly to his hoard.

And now, we present more in the LEGO Kits We'd Like To See vein (as per this post):

This first kit was inspired by two things: 1) the fact that one of us has the Winter Toyshop and another one of us has long coveted some of the reallyreallyrare pieces, and 2) the new Winter Bakery now in catalogues everywhere. It's enough to make one of us gnash our teeth.

CITY
Fish Shop
Item #: 3660
Ages: 5-12
Pieces: 293

For the fish-monger in your family. Tidy two story shop with clear window in front for displaying your wares. Comes with 2 non-smelly fish and 1 very smelly fish vendor minifigure.


CITY
Treasure Hunter's Craft
Item#: 3978
Ages: 5-12
Pieces: 130

Spend the morning hunting for underwater treasure in this sleek, flat bottomed boat then spend the afternoon swimming, knowing that your treasure is secured in these state-of-the-art chests. What better way to wile away your summer days? Comes with 1 minifigure (with swim kit), 2 blue crystals, and 6 green crystals.

CITY
Retro Trailer Camper
Item#: 3164
Ages:5-12
Pieces: 360

Lounge around the campfire and look tres cool whilst doing so! This little unit comes complete with propane tank, water hookups & sunroof. Inside are bunks for 3 and a tidy little cooking area. Comes with minifigure & latte mug.

CITY
Custom Camper Van
Item#:3119
Ages:5-12
Pieces: 405

Fred here is just giving the windscreen a touchup, but otherwise this little van is in perfect nick. Sleeps 5 and has the most amazing cooking set-up you've ever seen: converts to a catering van when you need a little ready cash.

CITY
Golf Cart
Item#:3190
Ages:5-12
Pieces: 68

For the golf enthusiast in your family. This is a minimalist golf cart: fewer extras means more room for your friends and all your clubs. Seats 30 and more if you sit on each other's laps.


STAR WARS
Droid Execution Fighter Jet
Item#: 8009
Ages: 5-12
Pieces: 353

Two views for this impressive little piece of engineering! First we have her as she flies: quick as lightning, thrusters armed, and ready to blast those pesky droids into smithereens.


Then flip a switch and your ship is in landing mode: thrusters and phasers lowered for quick replacement, but we don't think you'll be doing much replacing of anything - this baby is made for speed. Nothing will catch you!