Sunday, September 21, 2008

Yet Another Martha Moment

I was perusing the October issue of Martha Stewart Living yesterday, or rather, FDPG was perusing the latest issue of MSL yesterday and telling me how we would have to do each and every thing from the magazine because it all looked so Halloweenish and wonderful and cute and spooky and deliciously beautiful about all the interesting projects Martha had featured, when one particular picture caught our eye.

It was a picture of a lot of squash.

A lot of squash.

All kinds and shapes and colours.

It was a particularly beautiful photograph.

We both stared at it for a few seconds, and we even checked out the editorial page, where they show how they took the photograph of all those squash, until FDPG said "Hey, Mum, Martha has a garden just like you." Yup, right FDPG, I thought, nice analogy. A comparison only a sweetly devoted child of mine would make. Martha and her 20 gazillion acres and many highly experienced gardeners and neato specialized tools and clean well lit garden sheds and cool heirloom seeds (damn the cost) out back and me and my 1/3 of a rocky sloping acre and ancient rickety tools and no garden shed and highly constricted budget out back. Martha and her 4,328,291 squash and me and my 4 - count 'em - 4 acorn squash and 5 pumpkins. It's almost uncanny how alike we are, I thought. (I might also have gnashed a few teeth at this point but I've blocked it out)

Luckily this fit of garden envy uncanny comparison jolted me from my reverie about my last run in with Martha and those (damn it!) glossy glossy photographs in her magazine, because let me tell you, if I'd had more squash I might have done something in the photographic line, but I don't, so I didn't. (competitive? moi? surely you jest)

But I do have lots of tomatoes.
(uh oh)

All kinds and shapes and colours.
(well, actually, I do)

They would make a particularly beautiful photograph.
(well, actually they would, come to think of it)

So I took a picture of what I'd picked over the past 3 days.
(Oh, Sheila, you didn't. Honestly. Sometimes you are such a dolt.)

And here it is.
(ack, I'm closing my eyes until all this is over)

Okay, Martha, here are MY tomatoes, where are YOUR tomatoes?

Hmmm?

How about it?

I was rather lacking the white sheet umbrella thingie, the spotlights, and the Magic Photographer, but I had FDPG egging me on and Max holding the low-hanging dining room light fixture at a very awkward angle so it wouldn't block the shot - and who needs highly expensive camera equipment and trained professionals when you have one giddy seven year old and one better-humour-my-mother-in-the-hopes-of-getting-a-little-something-in-the-sugary-junk-as-a-reward-line son?
So whaddaya got for me, Martha?

12 comments:

Charlotte said...

We had squash this year, lots and lots (and lots) but it stunk for tomatoes. And we've eaten all four of them, so I can't take their picture.

Heather said...

Martha has got nothin' on you, Shelia. Those are truly magnificent. I'm so glad you did take a photo and share it with us. Gardening...well, veggie gardening, is mostly all about the tomatoes for me and I love to see photos of what is growing in other people's tomato patch. So...what are you going to make with them all? Some of mine will be going into roasted tomato soup today and then a canner load of just plain old canned ones too.

P.S. - anyone can grow squash dontcha know. It takes a special touch to grow tomatoes like that. ;-)

Maureen said...

Hi Sheila,
I'd like to answer your latin question. Can you email me at Bayless_Maureen@ebus.sd91.bc.ca or to my Shaw account? I have lost your email address.

sheila said...

Charlotte! We have opposite harvests! How funny.

Thanks, Heather. Me and Martha go way back with our garden issues, so you'd think I'd be over it by now. I am SO immature.

Yesterday I had a marathon canning day. I made green tomato mincemeat, salsa, tomato sauce, and some really hot, really fresh salsa with yellow tomatoes, chilies, and lime juice. Another case for the cupboard. And there are still tons more tomatoes. I feel like that guy with his 10,000 tomatoes. I'm sure I must have at least 6,000.

Nicola said...

Good grief, that looks like a HUGE heap of basil too.

sheila said...

I had a really good crop of basil this year, Nicola, considering I lost interest in it when the seedlings were about 4" high. In past years I've grown around 200 plants, then made pesto out of the lot, which I freeze and haul out over the year. This year I thought "Ugh, I can't be bothered doing that again, and anyhow the twins can't stand the stuff so why make so much" and neglected the plants, but they did really well despite my, err, inattention. So now I have another basket of bags in my freezer.

shaun said...

I love it! The artichokes interspersed throughout add a nice touch. The food stylists got nuthin on you.

We ate a little pot of fresh tomato sauce from our own little haul just this evening. We have 2 potted Roma plants and one of little yellow ones called something like Sweet Baby Girl.

If you look through my archives you may find a Martha-inspired Halloween craft party. Can't help it -- Halloween is really her forte.

(And on an unrelated note, soon I will be posting a photo of Totoro bento/lunch boxes!)

sheila said...

Totoro bento boxes?! FDPG will shriek out loud if I tell her - I will keep my eyes peeled, Shaun.

I've got some hypertufa mix here to make a Totoro statue for the garden we love him so much. Heck, we even have the original movie, complete with cheesy Engrish giggles, because we loved it so much. Who wants Dakota Fanning when you can have cheesy giggles?

Kris Bordessa said...

Love it!

Becky said...

Simply gorgeous. Shaun is right, those artichokes are a lovely touch.

Miss Martha didn't call you, did she?

sheila said...

Miss Martha is more than likely seething in a corner somewhere, plotting her revenge for the December issue. She knows a tomato photo when she sees one.

(And yes, won't I look mature if she ever finds me)

Rebecca said...

Oh the BASIL!! The glory of it all.

I am drooling.