Monday, April 11, 2011

Off The Island

We left the island for a few days, and followed our Fearless Leader south, where he attended an academic conference. I'm including a photo of a photo from the ferry, showing our route to the mainland along with some typical coastal imagery: bald eagles, herons, killer whales, and starfish (please don't ask me to say "sea star").

The enfants and I didn't attend any conferences, we went to blow all our money at the LEGO store shop and sight-see, although we did stay in the hotel where the conference was held, so on our way to the pool we got to see a lot of strange signs that said things like "Diet & Identity in Shakespeare's England," "Jests in Early Modern Culture," and even "Teaching Our Other Shakespeare" (a title that intrigued me a bit, mostly because I didn't realize that there WAS another Shakespeare). We even got to crowd in elevators with academic types on our way to the pool. There we were in our Crocs and shorts and wet heads and there they were in their nice academic suits. Everyone, I can safely say, was completely bemused.

And while the kids were busy being utterly overwhelmed by the reality of staying at an Expensive Hotel, I was busy capturing images of all the weird things one can see in the US, because it is, there's no doubt about it, so very different from what generally goes on in little old Canada.

First, an artistic sculpture at the border. According to the pair who created it, they hope that it will "create a bit of awareness to the signage landscape" around the border. It's called Non-Sign II.

And there was me thinking it was supposed to evoke a crowd of angry bees around a window. If it were up to me I'd call it Hive Mind. Maybe Angry Hive Mind. Or even Totally Pissed Off Hive Mind II. I can even see a Loony Toons movie in there somewhere, with some furious honky tonk piano music. I guess my signage landscape awareness is lacking somewhat. In fact, up until I googled that sign I wasn't aware that there WAS a signage landscape at the border.

Here are a couple of American children playing Memory Match.

Look closely at their Memory Match cards...paint chips.

Oh, those wacky wacky Americans.

(these may or may not be my children)

A giant green tree amidst the gray cityscape. I looked at this tree every morning, on our way along the Sky Bridges to the mall (there were Sky Bridges from the hotel to the mall, just in case one was too posh to walk amongst the hoi polloi on the street), and every time I looked at it I thought "That tree looks out of place."

Deep thoughts in the morning - c'est moi.

The latest fashions would indicate that we women need to have pink limbs. And batwings. I guess I'm destined to be unfashionable AGAIN this year, because I'm not okay with either, to be honest. Pink is so not my colour and batwings, well, they don't suit anyone.

Except a bat.

Yes, that person IS carrying a sign that says GUNS AND AMMO. He was even standing in front of a GUNS AND AMMO store.

And this is what B-list celebrities do when they move down a tier: throw Birthday Soirées at sports bars. Poor Carmen Electra: going from being married to Dennis Rodman to this. I wondered if this was how she was planning to dress for her Soirée, but then decided that she'd probably wear batwings or something more trendy.

After I took this photo (my kids deserted me in complete embarrassment even though they are too young to know these Former B-List Celebrities) I saw a movie poster with Vin Diesel on it. It looked like a rerun of Too Fast Too Furious...and what do you know but it was. Perhaps he'll attend Carmen's Birthday Soirée too.

Can you see this sign? It says BUS ONLY THIS EXIT. I feel very stupid admitting this, because I pondered it for a very long time, but I never did understand what it meant.

Perhaps it too was a Non-Sign: Non-Bus Stop II.

All this art stuff is way over my head.

And look, American Kleenex talks!

It's going to be there when I'm sad. Isn't that charming? It even signed its name:

Love, tissue.

And finally, for the person who has everything: a chocolate pillow. I can only speculate on what your hair will look like in the morning, but if I had to express an opinion I'd say this can't be a good look. Plus, they are way too small to be a decent pillow.

Tasty, but weird.


Anonymous said...

Hi Sheila, back after a long lurk! I used to love batwing sweaters and now that I have 48 year old upper arms I'm thinking that they might be something worth getting back into!!!

erin said...

Oh, gosh, what a fun and strange trip. I was reminded of travelling in Oregon and then into Cali when I was young and dating a steady guy for a long while, and we got lost, or the road was closed or something, but we had to detour. We ended up on a remote logging road, leading far away from regular folk like us and as the cars thinned out they were replaced by large 4X4's with gun racks with guns in them in each and every vehicle, driven by very unfriendly looking men. Needless to say I decided to back track in my pretty white Jeep and wait out the road construction. :)