Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Things That Would Make Me Buy The Book

Or contribute to the Radio Fund Drive.

Or feel benevolent about all the mailers I receive from the online lecture company we patronize. 

(you know who you are)

First of all, don't ever describe your product as "squee worthy" or I will be compelled to put it back on the shelf / break our internet relationship / turn you off right then and there. I don't think I need to go into my reasons for disliking a word like "squee" but let's just say that hearing it does for me what hearing fingernails on a chalkboard might do for you. And it's not good.

Next, if you want me to contribute to your Fund Drive, instead of offering me bags and totes and coffee cups or forcing me to listen to endless offerings from A Prairie Home Companion, offer me some underwear or socks with catchy sayings from Wait! Wait! Don't Tell Me! or Says You! on them. Heck, I spent eons (not to mention many dollars) buying my kids underwear with Thomas the Tank Engine, Bob the Builder, My Little Pony, and Hello Kitty on them; a pair of undies with some witty remarks by Peter Sagal or Tony Kahn on them would thrill me completely (not to mention spark more than a few weird conversations at Richard's next department party). I might even wear my Says You! socks with sandals all summer - just to show them off - and let me tell you, I'm one of those people who hates it when people wear socks with their summer sandals. Ask Richard, aka The Man Who Likes To Wear Socks With His Summer Sandals.

Finally, just because I periodically purchase items from your (excellent but pricey) online Teaching Lecture Series catalogue does not mean that I want to find a constant barrage  - and I mean a constant barrage - of glossy pictorial flyers in my mailbox each and every week, not to mention the torrent of email you cheerily send my way. Methinks you might be able to lower your product costs somewhat by lowering the amount of mail you hurl into the universe. Have you run this radical idea by your costs supervisor at any point? Why not try, and get back to me on that. I'd appreciate it. I might even be able to afford more product.

Now, that IS a shocking idea.


Suji said...

I know #3. In fact, today, I received a wonderfully glossy catalog and it had me drooling over every course. Every single one. That rarely happens. I can't afford even one right now.

Off to google squee. :D

Hey, I think Blogger now thinks I'm a robot too. Whee!

Mama Hen said...

You tell 'em!
I signed up with Catalog Choice, and have drastically reduced all that junk. (Not paid, employee, etc...just a friendly suggestion.)