Tuesday, May 18, 2010

How My Week Went 2 (guest post)

Unlike Sheila, I am extremely meticulous about the titles of the posts I write, which is why you will notice that this post is titled quite differently from the post I wrote two years ago. That one was called How My Week Went; this one is called How My Week Went 2. I am nothing if not thorough.

I am a cat. I live a fairly conventional cat life here at Greenridge Chronicles.
I lounge.
I lounge in different places.

Sometimes I try different lounging positions.

When I'm not lounging I can usually be found outside. What with all this fine weather I spent a lot of time outside this week, inspecting the grass, smelling the smells. This is a very exciting time for me: new baby birds to menace, old birds to menace, bees to chase, dragonflies to chase, Clones to watch out for (they have sharp points and are rude and ill mannered).

A couple of times I hid in the bookcase and hunted stray silverfish. Silverfish are an exceedingly amusing item to have around the house: they have a lovely soft crunch and they move quickly, which makes them fun to play with. I like them very much. I especially like leave their smooshed carcasses on the bathroom floor for the humans to step on in the morning, when they are too dull witted to notice them. I consider this a great joke.

After all that exertion, I hogged borrowed the Build-A-Bear basket. I have convinced FDPG that I am the cutest thing ever when I heave my massive bulk squeeze into this thing. I also try to yawn obligingly for the camera because the Teenager thinks I am hysterically funny when I yawn. He calls me the cat of very little brain but I tell him that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

FDPG is rather more respectful towards me. She realizes the awesome potential of my claws, and has nicknamed me the Catmera, in memory of the mythical Chimera. She thinks this is wildly funny but I think it suits me rather well. I like to attack unsuspecting humans; I have sharp fangs; and I have a very fertile imagination when it comes to this Playmobil Colosseum. Ha! Take that, gladiator! Come and get me, I dare you, Roman senator! I can take you! Slash! Smack! Whack! Bash! Who says the Vandals were the worst thing to happen to Rome?
The next day, however, I was ambushed by a peeved Caesar, who was still smarting from our fun in the arena and thought I was romancing Cleopatra. I wasn't really. I was just smelling her perfume. It's way beneath my dignity but I had to pretend to capitulate. When he wasn't looking I swatted him off the table. Silly Caesar. Who does he think he's messing with?

One day this week I wasn't feeling well, so wrapped myself up in this blanket. I have an affinity for this woolly green blanket, but the humans here don't like me using it. They think I get too much cat hair on it. This is mildly annoying to me but I have discovered that if I wait until they leave the house I can do what I want with this blanket, and when they return the children exclaim over how cute I look, so that no one has the heart to move me. Well, almost no one: Sheila is not particularly sentimental about how cute I am. I must hone my Catmera skills more cleverly.
But perhaps that can wait until another day. After all that strenuous activity, I have some napping to catch up on.


Samantha said...

OOohhh! What an adorable kitty you have!! Ours tends to live the life of sleep, eat, repeat. Not nearly as interesting as your cat.


Michelle said...

Very exciting and interesting post, Catmera. You are most adventurous and gorgeous. You are *obviously* the fiercest thing to happen to Rome. And if you wanted to woo Cleopatra, she wouldn't stand a chance. The green blanket suits to you a tee, and I think Shelia should mind her own business, er, I mean, get her own blanket. I do hope to read more guest posts penned by you. Your biggest fan, Kitty Cuddler (who finds no greater pleasure in life than having a purring kitty on her lap.)

sheila said...

Samantha, you need to sneak up on him - obviously he lives his wildness outside of your field of vision.

Michelle, now you've gone and done it. Catmera thinks he IS owed a green blanket of his own after what you've said. He also inclines his head regally to Kitty Cuddler and acknowledges her worship.

Erin said...

Oh, my boys and I just read this and laughed. They think it's great all of the clever places you find to hide in, Catmera! They especially liked your fearless invasion of the Playmobil Collosseum, in fact I lost the oldest, who ran to the PM catalogue to see if he could spy it in there. We'll catch him up on the end of your guest post later.

Your cat is lovely, Sheila!

Suji said...

What beautiful eyes you have Catmera. I see your other fans have already said all I wanted to say (sob). Please write more often...I enjoyed this immensely!